Shhh....it's Bagel Boys!
For going on 19 years (it really could be more- time blurs together after five), my husband has been part of a secret society known only as “Bagel Boys.” Every Saturday morning around 6:30, he gathers with four, or five, or six, the number is never disclosed, other men to talk about…well, I don’t know really what they talk about, because like Fight Club, the rules of Bagel Boys are the same. What is talked about in Bagel Boys, stays in Bagel Boys.
I have to admit, my husband’s mouth is a steel trap. Before my lips can purse a question (even the simplest of inquiries), his hand is up- Don’t ask because I won’t tell, it says. Once when our children were little and I was away for the weekend, he took them to the honored sunrise gathering. They still don’t speak of it.
I’m amazed at men’s ability to keep secret, to keep quiet of all that is disclosed to them. How they don’t feel the need to tell just one other person, to whisper in just one other person’s ear something of which they know. How do they not burst? I’m not saying that I can’t keep a secret- I can, and I do (I’m actually quite good at it- insert pat on back here), but it’s always there in my mind and on my heart, what I’ve been told. I think men let go…it’s been spoken, given voice, released, and they move on. In those early morning meetings they speak, they share, and then they are done.
Until the next Saturday.
Maybe Bagel Boys is why my husband is so even- keeled. Maybe the weekly release of cares allows him to reset for what the upcoming days hold. Maybe it’s their secret hand shake (Ok, I made that up. They don’t have a secret handshake…at least, I don’t think they do). Whatever it is, I’m impressed. They know what they are doing. They got it right.
I believe over the years the grouping has changed, with new members flitting in and out. But that could just be my imagining. I do know locations have changed; that is one thing I’m privy to. He now Zooms from over 1000 miles away- from the garage in the summer with the door open and from our living room with both doors closed when the Wisconsin winters require walls and heat.
His Saturday mornings remind me of our need for connection with each other. Connection that is needed now more than ever this past year. So connect. Whatever that looks like for you. Find a way- the phone, on Zoom, through text, or a daily photo. But make it a weekly habit. Find people and a space where you can speak, give voice, release, and move on.
Until the next Saturday.
And remember…what is talked about in Bagel Boys, stays in Bagel Boys.